[jacobolus]

> Spent most of my life telling myself that since I was bad at math

Note that very few people are actually “bad at math” in any kind of inherent way. The problem is usually a combination of psychologically damaging (and technically poor) teaching, parental/peer pressure, etc. leading to a phobia/mental block, which eventually leads people to construct an identity as “not a math person” (which has been tragically normalized in our society – in some places this doesn’t happen).

Plenty of the folks who say they are “bad at math” try again later under more relaxed and encouraging circumstances and are plenty successful.

So good luck!

If you are serious about it, my recommendation is to try to find a private tutor to meet with face to face.