[vidarh]

I would recommend "Influence" by Robert Cialdini.

The idea any of us can resist - not even large corporations, but friends, neighbours, random people on the street - is just not supported by reality.

We're all incredibly prone to pretty basic psychological manipulation; and we're prone to it even when we're aware it's happening. Our society is built on the functioning of simple psychological manipulation to the point where it's often impossible to draw a line between what is manipulative vs. just following social norms.

Often you can see flat out people recognizing it - e.g. people not wanting to accept a gift, because they realize it will make them feel obligated to do something back for someone and find it easier to avoid the would-be gift-giver than to not let it influence them.

I agree with you the Amish response is over the top, though, and it's full of the same issues.