[gwright]

Ironically it is is almost impossible to engage on this topic in a thoughtful way without stepping on some sort of social landmine. As someone who has been around for a while I find much of the back and forth in this area exhausting and at times bewildering. Treat others how you want to be treated, count to ten before replying, don't engage with annoying people, pick your battles, life isn't necessarily fair. This sort of advice has been around forever and I much prefer it to the legalistic CoC approach.

[LandR]

I would also add give people the benefit of the doubt.

Don't assume that just because someone accidentally misgendered you that they were being malicious. They probably weren't. I mean, if you continually find that you see aggressions and 'isms everywhere then maybe you are just tilting at windmills.

[TeMPOraL]

CoCs aren't about regulating behavior, they're about group associations. They cover pretty much the same things that have always been covered in forum rules and moderation policies, only worded a bit differently to justify their existence. The point of replacing your old style of rules with a CoC, named "Code of Conduct", is that by doing so, you signal allegiance. You pay fealty. The mob can now go on and harass some other community.

(At least, that was some time ago. Today, CoCs are frequent enough that people just add them by default.)

[gwright]

If I understand what you are saying, I agree. The show of "fealty" associated with adopting a CoC with all the approved progressive language is problematic to me.

[gdy]

"pick your battles, life isn't necessarily fair"

What is that supposed to mean?

[gwright]

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pick+your+battles

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/headshrinkers-guide-...

[gdy]

... in the practical terms and in the particular situation discussed in the thread.

[gwright]

I was referring to the formality of CoCs vs more informal approaches to disagreements.

So in this context, "pick your battles" means that not every dispute is worth escalating and mediating in the context of a CoC. More often than not, when you have been wronged it is better to just walk away rather than intensifying the dispute.

As for "life isn't fair", It is misleading to think that a CoC is going to eliminate unfairness, sometimes things won't go your way and you should accept that and move on rather than reach towards contractual or legal frameworks for some sort of resolution.