|
|
|
|
|
|
by rhmw2b
2454 days ago
|
|
|
I'd actually suggest you consider telling your wife for a few reasons: 1) It's really unfair to go on letting her believe an untruth. She should know the reason you have not been intimate with her. She may even be relieved to know that what she thought was the issue, her getting old which is something that she can't change, wasn't actually the issue and the real issue can be changed.
2) You have been hiding this habit for 15 years, surely this will not be a complete surprise to your wife.
3) The most important reason is that once your wife is aware of your struggle she will be a strong motivation to quit and potentially even a supportive person who you can be vulnerable with (as opposed to strangers on HN). It might help to picture yourself five years from now. If you don't quit (the trend for the past 15 years) then your relationship with your wife will only have become worse, your wife will continue to believe that she is undesirable, you will continue to have this part of your life that you are scared to share with your family, etc. If you come clean with her then you will (likely) be forced to change and hopefully your relationship is improved and you no longer have this baggage in your life. If she loves you (which it sounds like she does) she will probably be more understanding than you picture in your head. To share my (religious) experience, I struggled with porn for several years and became extremely frustrated because I felt like I became a slave to the urge, no matter what I tried I couldn't seem to quit. Eventually, in my frustration, I prayed to God and begged for help to break the habit and in that moment I got a calm feeling and with time I felt that my prayer was answered. The addiction didn't go away, but I seemed to find just enough self control/motivation/discipline/whatever to quit cold turkey. I know religion isn't usually a well-received remedy, and it's not required in order to quit porn, this was just my experience. |
|
|