[throwanem]

For those people, it might be beneficial to recognize that they are not God, and there's only so much that it's reasonable for them to expect themselves to control. - that, and that sometimes you can do everything right and still lose.

"Ditching thoughts of victimhood" can be taken to the sort of extreme that your last question hints toward. People who have been abused learn a variety of coping strategies, one of which is the specialization of apophenia that leads us to imagine that our actions and those of our abusers are meaningfully linked: "if I do X, Y happens; if I don't do Z, A happens". That easily lends itself to believing that, because I did X, I had Y coming - a belief that abusers, for obvious reasons, encourage. Discarding that is part of recovery, and for that reason, I'd hesitate to give advice like yours to someone early in that process, who may well still be in the habit of blaming themself for someone else's behavior.