[hestipod]

I've been through that over and over with doctors turning hostile and outright lying and am going through it again now after the worst year I have ever had pain wise. I never took a LOT by any measure, in fact very small doses just to get by, and only about half of the days in any given year as I cycled off and when situations were calmer. I have avoided seeking stronger things offline and will off myself before going there as its costly in every way and has no good outcome. I have a sensitive corpus it seems and can't take a lot of any medication, a built defense against massive addiction I am thankful for in a way, or else I probably would have ended up like some of the worst victims in a gutter using heroin. But I guess in the end what does it matter if you cannot get better anyway. Ultimately people just want to stop hurting and don't care about people's politics...and when it gets like this, and doctors and society and families are so hostile and blaming, the only plausible thing becomes stopping the existence that hurts.