[gil]

> I think the essential office chitchat issue is "being yourself" vs. "seeming like a high quality professional". I've found out the hard way that relaxing and aiming for a real conversation carries a high % chance of saying something unbecoming of a team leader.

Indeed, this is a very good way to put it. Although I do understand people who say silly things at the lunch table without a second thought - they value fun and genuine social interactions more than "upward mobility".

If you can't be yourself for at least 8h/day and you also can't be yourself after that, because you shouldn't base you social life around your co-workers, then who are you? And when are you allowed to be yourself? Weekends and bank holidays? Fuck. That.

We would all be happier if we were allowed to be ourselves all the time. Maybe by hopping around until landing on a cluster of likewise co-workers who can see the "high quality professional" side by side with the crazy cat lady or the punkrocker.

But again, I think your decription is correct and that we live within a very sad state of affairs.

[donkeyd]

Thanks for this. This has become a realization of mine in the past couple of years. I already wear a neat shirt to work and do my hair neatly, because that's expected. I'm not going to change my personality however, because I am who I am and I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not.

I've even decided that I will no longer 'perform' interviews. I could get most jobs, because I'm pretty good at doing interviews. However, I've come to the conclusion that I should just be me and if they don't like it, there isn't a fit. Recently got my first rejection because of this and I didn't mind as much as I thought I would. Of course, exceptions will be made when I really need a job. But as long as the market is on my side, I'll just keep being myself.

[redleader9345]

I've been doing the same. I even tell recruiters and interviewers "if I was unemployed, you'd be getting a very different version of me". It adds more fuel to the notion of why employed people are so much better to recruit, because you get more signal and less noise.

We've all known for a while that being unemployed, and having that desperation stink on you, is a bad situation. But I'd never really considered it from the hiring side, that when you are interviewing someone who desperately needs a job, you're interviewing more of an actor.

[LandR]

Interviews are entirely perfomative anyway.

THe person conducting the interview is asking you questions he knows the answer to, and knows that you know what he wants to hear, and is just checking that you know how to play the game and repeat back to him what he wants.

If you answered all the stupid interview questions completely honestly you would never get a job. Both parties know this, yet everyone keeps ploughing on with this moronic game.

[donkeyd]

Honestly though, from what I see around me though, most people are acting when they're in interviews. Even if they don't 'really' need the job. Maybe that's because I mostly know young people and they don't have the confidence or the awareness yet, though.

[phereford]

100% this. The teams that I have been a part of that have had a lasting impact on me allow for authenticity. Sure, sometimes you get a disparaging remark that can escalate. But, in my limited experience, that downside is so minuscule to the upside of having authenticity creating happiness in the workplace.

[grenoire]

I have foregone an opportunity to work for a very big company straight out of graduation simply because I just enjoyed my internship there too much, and it was in complete contrast to how my peers described their experiences with their internships, traineeships, or full-time jobs. I enjoy my upward mobility in a smaller company with some potential, working with people who don't take themselves too seriously (because they had to years ago anyway).

It's more comfortable, and it makes me want to go back to work on Monday.

[close04]

Saying objectively stupid or offensive stuff without reading the room is a bad idea wherever you are. But people already treat family, friends, coworkers differently, with different topics of discussion and jokes. So you have a different "face" or "recipe" for each of them anyway.

And small talk might actually help your chances of upward mobility since people start being aware of your name. They know you delivered something. Your superiors are more likely to mention that and you if people in the room know who you are than if you're "a resource".