[m0nty]

> Voted ‘most likely to succeed,’ when I should have been voted ‘most likely to help ABC develop killer products.’

You'll sound like an utter nob if you write like that. I once received a resumé titled "Steely-blue-eyed contract killer" which didn't go immediately in the bin -- because we were too busy having a laugh about it. Then it went in the bin. Some of the given examples seem very reminiscent of the kind of person who thinks rather too highly of themselves.