| I'm in the middle of an amicable divorce after about 3 years of marriage due to similar reasons. I now realize that I've always been bad at setting boundaries and I acquiesce until a given situation is no longer tolerable for me. My partners have always been type A while I'm more of a type B personality and somewhat quiet and introverted, but not overly so. Like you, i don't mind listening to other people do most of the talking, take the lead on activities, etc. I generally go with the flow. But in my marriage, I ended up giving up way too much space and when I tried to claw some space back it was too late - no matter how simple my requests were and how kindly I asked for them. For my partner, it was like I was upending the relationship. Anyways, this was somewhat my fault but at the end of the day it was a toxic relationship and I was on the receiving end of a controlling relationship. Within just a few days of splitting up I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was worn out from living how someone else wanted me to live rather than how I wanted us to live. Not to say it was a horrible relationship or nothing positive came from it, but being relatively young and childless I quickly realized this was for the best. I went to therapy for a bit and it was helpful just to confirm that my feelings before and after splitting were normal. The main lesson for next time was to be better at setting boundaries from the outset. It can be hard to see these things when your in such a relationship. I saw my mom fail to set boundaries with my volatile father as an attempt to keep him from exploding, but I didn't realize until after the fact that I was doing something similar in my relationship. I get the sense that your relationship is a bit like mine was. Not so horrible or traumatic that there's a smoking gun that would cause you to leave, but not what you had hoped for or thought you were getting into, and certainly not a relationship that has your best interests at heart. *I created an account just to reply. Will check out the book recommended below. |