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by caser 2477 days ago
In a city like NYC, the only people you really see regularly are the people you live with, the people you work with, and the people you sleep with.

Finding good roommates is definitely one way to solve the problem, but if you’re not knee deep in a community with a strong sense of values and culture (like EA), finding matches can be challenging.

Also, as someone who has been in and around this space, several of the coliving companies you mentioned are not doing well financially.

Especially in NYC, all of the coliving spots (some of which have raised significant capital) have almost all their inventory in deep Brooklyn or Queens. It’s nearly impossible to find a good share in the city unless you stumble into it or create it with friends, which depends on having a wide network of people who have leases ending around the same time (or who are willing to break leases). Also, much of the good housing inventory is either taken or overpriced, so part of this also depends on either having wealthy friends or finding a way to finagle a deal on a place before it hits the market.

Last thing I’ll say is that one of the reasons why people only see roommates, coworkers, and partners regularly is because of lack of religious / school affiliation. It’s hard to get people to commit to something weekly, but if you can do it, it’s way easier to spin up than coordinating a group house.

The past few months I’ve been doing a weekly Monday breakfast with 2 friends —- it’s quickly become the highlight of all of our weeks.

Other than, I think the best choice is to find (or create) something that you’re willing to commit to at least 1x per week. Finding a spiritual institution (even an agnostic friendly one like humanist society or Unitarian church), picking up a martial art, or auditing a course at a local grad school (this is my recent fav) are all ways you can find more depth in city life.

+1 for the idea of community porn, though. 1-off events just aren’t the same.

5 comments

You mention but don't list in your bullet points the 4th: hobbies... Which is charities, church, or any other shared interest group. Makerspaces, book clubs, matial arts, literally everything you have to do with others.
Probably goes with the culture of flakiness that having too much choice gives. First time someone goes to an event, they don't immediately feel the spark or whatever, off to do other things.
Very true. Too much choice can be a recipe for unhappiness.
>if you’re not knee deep in a community with a strong sense of values and culture (like EA), finding matches can be challenging.

Another comment in this thread expressed the opposite sentiment, that you really want to live with people who are different than you: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20848428

You can't both be right :)

What issues have the coliving companies been running into?
What’s EA?
I think it's probably referring to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effective_altruism
Effective Altruism, Less Wrong's thing.