| Not at all. I was well on my way as a deadbeat before this recovery I’m now in. My point was that being referred to as a deadbeat would incite those 4 points above in varying forms and make me much less willing to seek help. And no. I’m not a victim of any massive trauma (I’m guessing that’s what you mean), came from a decent enough middle class family. So not all addicts are a victim of anything - except the disease. And, to be clear, whilst I was avoiding responsibility throughout active addiction, I was avoiding reality far more. That is by far the bigger problem. Weed can totally be the reason why someone doesn’t look after their wife and kids. I’ve caused the exact same problems in my own life! Just because _most_ people can smoke weed fine, doesn’t mean some people don’t completely screw up their lives with it. Weed is like the beer of the drugs world. An alcoholic will still ruin lives even if they can only drink beer. It’s what I’ve done! FYI, hash was one of my main drugs of choice (alongside cocaine and alcohol). ... So this is probably most important thing for anyone related/involved to/with an addict to understand. And I actually came back to add this to the above when I started rethinking about what you said: SET BOUNDARIES/LIMITS, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN DRAMA AND DO NOT WAIVER. Protect yourself first. Then be compassionate/helpful (not overflowing with sympathy, that’s not compassion) when it is appropriate. Getting involved in my drama is like crack for me. “Attention from other people, yeeesssssss!!!” An addict rarely asks for help honestly. When it happens (honestly), there’s always something different about how I would be asking. It’s at those moments when I was totally desperate that the magic could happen. It doesn’t always work out, unfortunately. But they are the only opportunities where I’d be willing listen to other people and maybe, just maybe, be willing to change. And those moments are where the compassion pays absolute dividends. At least that’s my experience. Patience, firm and consistent boundaries, and then compassion as and when applicable. ... On a personal note, the whole thing sounds super rough. Maybe not hell, but still rough. It’s a horrible disease to live with - as an addict and as someone who cares about an addict. My thoughts are with yourself, your extended family and the husband. |