[yareally]

I found my future wife through online dating, but I attribute it to persistence, numbers and a little luck. I met her after going on at least 100-150 dates with around 100 women over 18 months. She had only started dating online for about a month before we met and had only gone on less than a dozen dates.

Coincidentally, it was around the time I was about to call it quits with online dating. I was glad I didn't though because we clicked instantly in a way I hadn't with other women I had dated. I went on dates with women of many different backgrounds, careers, education, etc, but it wasn't easy to find someone that I could see myself with long term. I approached in a scientific way to find what I liked in a relationship and what I didn't in hopes it would eventually filter out potentially bad dates before going on them based on stats collected from previous dates and conversations.

Would I do it all again? It was worth it in the end, but at the time it was starting to emotionally wear on me. Definitely not a path for those that can't take rejection or having to be the one rejecting. Most people don't take it well, no matter how you package it. Learned a lot about people and behavior that I think made me a better person in retrospect.

[chrisseaton]

> I met her after going on at least 100-150 dates with around 100 women over 18 months.

Wow that's insane. How much time and actual money did it cost you to go on all those dates?

When I was younger people didn't really date at all. You just naturally met people and if you started a relationship then that's what happened. There was no stilted 'dating' period with coffee, drinks, dinner. You were either a couple or not.

[yareally]

Probably not as much as one would think, but still a fair amount when you add up travel/driving/drinks/activities.

First dates were always a drink somewhere and maybe an activity. That could be an arcade bar, board games, gallery hop, a weekend event in the city or something else more unique than dinner + movie. 100-150 dates was only 5-8 dates a month or 10-16 hours usually. Not as much time as one might think when they would be spending it on video games, happy hour or something similar. I just used it as a chance to improve social skills and meet random people I may not normally meet. If it happened to become something more, then even better.

First dates were 1-2 hours at the most, though I broke that rule with my future wife and we stayed out way into the morning just talking about random things. The best dates were the ones where my date insisted on paying her share in some way. Usually that meant I bought a drink and they bought one or I bought a game and then they bought the next. It might be obvious advice, but if a woman really likes you (I assume the same goes with dating men as well), they'll make it easy. If they don't, it's probably better to cut your losses sooner rather than later.

I don't suggest my experience to everyone, but it gave me the assurance that I knew when I finally met my future wife, that she was the one for me based on my prior dating history. Those previous dates weren't all in vain, even if they seemed like they might be at the time.

[galfarragem]

> The best dates were the ones where my date insisted on paying her share in some way.

Great tip. It really matches my experience and makes lots of sense: she doesn't want to risk showing like she's taking advantage of you. By the other hand, If she can't see a future together, usually, she will not care.

[tlb]

Cost of 150 dates: maybe $10k. Cost of marrying the wrong person: unlimited, plus years of suffering.

[strenholme]

It can be as little as $1500, if one makes a point to go to a coffee shop and have the first date over coffee. Indeed, the date where I fell in love with my wife was a $5 coffee shop date.

[notyourday]

> How much time and actual money did it cost you to go on all those dates?

One really needs to ask himself ( or herself ) a question : what are you living for? Are you going to take that money to your after life or would you rather spend it and ( hopefully ) have a good time while doing it?

[chrisseaton]

> what are you living for?

Not 150 dates with random people, that's for sure! Sounds like hell!

[p1esk]

Sorry to hear that. > 80% of all dates I've been on have been a pleasant and exciting experience, even when it didn't lead to anything more.

[notyourday]

I am very fascinated by the single mindedness of most of Americans. It is as if their entire adult life was about being finding that special someone ( just one ) through the trial and tribulations of misery.

I'm with you -- most of my dates have been very pleasant even if we ended up not being compatible on a romantic level. Some of them became very good friends.