[mlyle]

See, I view these as valuable cues as to what's immediately expected.

"Tom, finish that report by Friday" is a command. Commands are useful. Only the most critical objections can be tolerated.

"Tom, I need that report by Friday" is a statement of a requirement and has a minimal opening for a discussion about how to meet your need.

"Tom, can you please get me that report by Friday?" opens the door to more discussion. If Tom has a big problem with getting you the report by Friday, you can talk about it.

"Tom, would you like to write this Friday's report?" --- now we're open to discussion of Tom's preferences, but he's still expected to give them in a respectful fashion with expected context and reasons.

[nyir]

From how I've been reading these interactions the last one isn't actually all that up to discussion. That's exactly what's been annoying me about it. If it were, then yes, exactly like you described it would be a sensible next level after the "please do X". And for most people I'd indeed (correctly) understand it that way, just not, as the parent described, from some particular backgrounds.

Oh, but actually, maybe that's the case, I'll pay more attention to the reaction if someone "doesn't like" to.

[lazyasciiart]

If my manager said "would you like to x" I would assume he is trying to figure out who on the team to give x to, and wants to take our preferences into account. He may end up asking me to do it anyway, but at the time of the question it was not decided.