[gumby]

That’s easy to say from the outside.

There are many reasons to call attention to things not working (e.g. the bottle example given above) and the ultimatum can be the last step. And when kids are involved (not in this case) it’s typically better for all concerned to have two parents if that’s possible. So you may hang in there longer than might look sensible from the outside.

[mikeash]

Having experienced the kid side of this both ways, let me say to any parents in this situation: if your marriage is shit, don’t “do it for the kids” because of some notion that two parents is better. Get that divorce! Your kids will be far better off with two sane single-parent households than one messed-up two-parent household. Neither is great but being the third wheel in a broken marriage is worse.

[zeveb]

> Your kids will be far better off with two sane single-parent households than one messed-up two-parent household.

Perhaps, maybe even probably — but what about two messed-up single-parent households?

[dsfyu404ed]

That sounds all fine and dandy until the custodial parent goes out and finds a spouse that creates the same problems all over again. Then you've got the same situation but with three stakeholders and one with a lot less interest in the kids' outcome.

[mikeash]

I am well aware. But saying is a bad situation because you might get into a bad situation again is not a good strategy, and the fix for that problem is to get out of that problematic marriage too.