Hacker News new | ask | show | jobs
by gordaco 2502 days ago
This isn't about boasting, nor it's about "wanted to be recognized as smart". You can be as humble as you honestly can, up to the point of avoiding showing achievements to other people for fear of their reactions (and believe me, I know this very well. You learn to behave like that quite fast), and yet the communication problems will persist. It's difficult not to become a misfit, to feel like you are fundamentally different to the people around you. The article mentions that your arguments won't convince "average" people, and neither do theirs convince us; this is also something I also feel deeply.

I guess I can't complain much; at least I got a good job. For a very modest definition of success I could even consider myself "successful".
2 comments
fxtentacle 2502 days ago
Most people that you meet are so concerned about what you think about them that they'll barely spend a thought on what they think about you. So if you get bad reactions to showing your achievements, the problem might be that the other person feels like you are diminishing them in comparison.

From my experience, the trick is to always focus on the emotional side of things. If you say that you feel super happy because project X worked out as planned, the other person can easily relate to that by telling you about their project Y that worked out well.

You might not understand (or care about) the details of each other's achievement, but the emotions why you enjoy talking about it should be pretty much universal.

link
vcavallo 2502 days ago
it’s just a bit funny that you included the parenthetical about your own experience, which mostly just serves to make sure you are also labeled as “very smart”. your whole point could be made in general without signaling this to the reader. :)
link
gordaco 2502 days ago
I know :). I actually hesitated, because of that. To be honest I ended writting and sending it just because this is Hacker News and such things are much better received here. In Reddit, for example, I wouldn't have bothered.

Also, I'm not "very smart". I have a high IQ, which might be correlated but it's a different thing. EDIT: I strongly believe that a high IQ means, above all, a fundamentally different way of thinking. Which might make you smart, and which is the main cause of the communication problems.

link