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by tialaramex
2509 days ago
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(Not advice to parent, just generally) If you want to be more professional about this stuff, build up a Fuck Off Fund. Women in particular have written about fuck off funds in the context of making sure you don't have to nod along when HR says the VP who stuffed his hand down your top was "just fooling around" but - most people need that financial security any time they have to confront the boss. Save to be able to look the big boss in the face and tell them "Fuck Off". "Fuck Off" isn't the response you need when they tell you they want the database authentication disabled "just until Monday, Tuesday at the latest" that's when you want "No". But you need to know you _can_ tell them to "Fuck Off" so you actually say "No". Otherwise you may find yourself agreeing anyway. |
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It is sufficient to look the manager/executive threatening you square in the eye, and state your position with deliberateness. Keep it professional, no raised voices, and be willing to walk away without hesitation if the other side gets abusive.
The really bad ones are those who tell you that if you step through that door don't bother coming back or similar, so be absolutely ready to commit. If you do the main event behind closed doors one-on-one and get that threat as you walk out, sometimes they'll come back with sugar suggesting a do-over. Generally Admiral Ackbar is right in this context, but it's your call.
The negotiation leverage that comes from the FOF is most powerfully communicated non-verbally and in a face-to-face setting, also through body language. The difference is very noticeable between those who have an FOF and those who don't, if you have enough experience. It can be faked, but it takes exceptional practice to fake. The tell starts with how fast and confident the "No" comes back.
This is the nuclear option of course. Exhaust all other avenues of reasonable negotiation first. Like an email with witnesses you pick for deliberately violating departmental policy, for example.