[antpls]

What if multiplayer video games actually teach your kids to not blindly trust people ? At first they will be scammed a few time, but they will learn, and with minimal consequences.

Isn't it better for your kids to experience the "worst" behaviors in a virtual simulation under your control rather than in real life when they will be adult and possibly alone ?

I believe it's fine to have your kids safely experience "unethical" behaviors, as long as you speak with them.

I guess there have been studies about it, I'm wondering. Does anyone have scientific pointers about it ?

[tyleo]

This is a great thought. When I was around 12 years old I played RuneScape. After grinding away for weeks I bought a legendary item which I lost shortly after in a scam.

This was a big wake up call for me. Having previously seen how obvious some scammers were I didn’t think it could ever happen to me: I thought you had to be a fool to be scammed. The core lesson was that it could happen to everyone and by thinking that scams would only happen to fools I had lowered my own defenses to the point that I was susceptible.

[ianhawes]

I came here to say exactly this. I played RuneScape as a kid and was scammed. It molded me into the skeptic I am today.

Plus, downloading a keylogger masquerading as a RuneScape hack taught me the importance of not running random executables.

[tapland]

It's also important to have clear distinctions between things that are questionable but not harmful, and that the kids feel that they can sound the alarm when things are really wrong.

There are a lot of pictures and words that are inappropriate and shouldn't be in kids games. But it's really important to convey that there is a difference between that, and even pictures of feet, to pictures of you nude or pictures with your face in them.

I met people from chatrooms some 16 years ago when I was 14, with friends, at a public space and my friends parents knew the place well and knew when and where we were going. Was a fun double date. A lot of people I know would not tell any adult and lie about where they are going to avoid shame and anger.

[b_tterc_p]

I feel like most people would put pictures of children’s feet in the absolutely not ok bucket

[tapland]

If you feel that it's in the same bucket as sending full frontal nudes with identifiable face, that's your decision to make as a parent.

Your kids are going to send pictures to other people.

[b_tterc_p]

I’m not sure how you imagine communicating such things to a child. Do you have a flip chart with full frontal nudes in red and feet pictures in orange? It’s not like there’s anything more prohibitive than “absolutely not ok”. Both are beyond that. Your argument sounds like needing to clarify that Fentanyl is worse than heroin, and that if I don’t make it clear that fentanyl is worse, they’re going to do both?

If you can prevent either, you should prevent both.

[tapland]

It seems unlikely that your child knows about every fetish adults have, and if they happen to send pictures of their feet to someone they have not done anything bad, they have not broken any unspoken general rule, there isn't a lot saying that is a thing you shouldn't do or any obvious signs as to why it would be bad. It hasn't exposed them in a dangerous way, but they have been victims to an adult going online and asking children for feet pictures to satisfy themselves.

Your reply implies that the child has been taught why it's just as bad to send a picture of their feet as of their hair as of their ankle as of their entire body as of anything. Or that they have parents who wouln't agree to them doing things that seem totally reasonable to them, and just freak out without any explanation.

Children are taught what nudity is very early. They aren't taught people's weird kinks. The difference between the two cases I mentioned is much greater than that between fentanyl and heroin. Both are not ok, but they are not even close in terms of possible adverse effects. You can't judge everything assuming the child has knowledge of the intentions of the abuser online. If your child sends the pictures because 'it's just feet, it can't hurt me' that's a much better reason, even though the child hasn't finished developing it's brain than 'my dad doesn't want me to send any pictures'.

[okusername]

Their brain is not developed yet, especially critical thinking and social capabilities. It's not just a question of explaining / learning, they often don't have the mental capabilities to understand whats going on and can be taken advantage of.

[Mirioron]

I don't believe that there are many kids above the age of 10 that don't understand what scamming is after they are scammed.

[koonsolo]

From my own experience of my product that is used by teenagers, they are well aware of the risks. In chat, they will not give their email, name, place or even reveal what timezone they are at. Most boys will say they are boys, but girls will not even mention that (it's a gaming related product). It seems they are well educated on this topic, and are very cautious.

[Cthulhu_]

I agree, but I think it's one of those ratio things - MOST kids are well educated on the subject, but you know there's going to be a nontrivial amount that isn't, or who despite the education still fall for it (case in point: my GF's son was scammed by a guy in Fortnite who befriended him over the span of over two weeks, an eternity in a child's mind. It was just some stuff he earned playing the game of course but still, his trust in people took a big hit there).

Anyway point is, it only takes one case for the media to pounce on e.g. Roblox and drive it into the ground. And there will be a lot.

[nkrisc]

It really depends on the age of the child. At a certain age, they're just no match for adults. I had a coworker who's daughter was conned out of her Roblox password you've by the same person. She's not dumb, the other person was just very effective and maintain against a nine year old kid.

As a parent your primary duty is the safety and well-being of your child. That comes first, lessons second. Sometimes you might just need to ban Roblox for their own good and help them learn like lessons another way. Every kid is unique.

[Nextgrid]

> Sometimes you might just need to ban Roblox for their own good and help them learn like lessons another way.

I guess it depends on what the worst-case scenario is? You're advocating for banning the game altogether just because they have the opportunity to get scammed and lose some in-game items. I'd rather lose items and still have permissions to play the game than not be able to play altogether because "otherwise I'd get scammed".

[nkrisc]

It really depends on the child and how they cope and react to getting scammed. Some might take it in stride and learn. Others may not yet be ready to deal with it. It really depends on the kid and their maturity, which as a parent is for you to determine for your own child.

[smaddox]

> As a parent your primary duty is the safety and well-being of your child. That comes first, lessons second.

That's a false dichotomy. When you over-protect your children, you deprive them of the life lessons that will keep them safe in the future. You can't protect them forever.

[nkrisc]

What is safe for your child changes over time as they mature. As a parent you need to understand what is and isn't acceptable risk for them at their current developmental stage. There's no one answer, each child is different.

[jacobr]

If safety is always the number one priority there will be no climbing trees, no swimming, no bicycling, etc.

Some dangers, like traffic, have consequences that are extreme and irreversible. Getting frauded online is not.. although grooming is a more difficult issue.

[nkrisc]

Safety is the number one priority but as a parent you have to determine what is acceptable risk. Getting in a car is an everyday risk that many of us choose to accept. You have to determine for your own children what "safety" is depending on their individual needs.

[clinta]

This happened to my daughter and was the attitude I had about it, and I think she's healthier for it. She gave away some item in the game she liked and got scammed, now she knows better.

Before I allowed her to play I discussed with her that she is not allowed to tell anybody her real name or the state she lives in. I think and hope the experience of being scammed might have cemented the reasons for that.