| @teekert I was mainly putting myself on lookathrwaway level, to hopefully provide advice to a fellow Aspie. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as one say. I perceive that there are plenty of different axes to look at things. But I refuse not to see the broken vase as a whole, no matter how beautifully you frame the shiny pieces. Most people have been broken one way or an other. Some even celebrate it ; I find it quite sad and would rather avoid it, but who am I to know ? I used to have things I didn't get at all like music, until the day it clicked. Even though I won't ever reach the level of masters in the art, I have enough to find it interesting. But more importantly that was an enlightening and humbling experiment that there are things you don't get until you do. I enjoy the state of mind model, where to learn a new thing you try to search the state of mind where this thing comes naturally. Once you get the right state of mind some things become easy , and some other things harder, but communication with a person in the same state of mind flows easily. Often meeting different people and understanding how they deal with things can help acquire a new state of mind. >How would you feel being judged as several levels below me? As an aspie that as been judged stupider than I am most of my life, I have grown past it. There are usually interesting experiences I can pick with anyone, although the ratio effort/reward depends a lot on our relative paths. I get that life sometimes put you in shitty situations and I don't judge people. As much as I enjoy the occasional serendipity that the chaos of life can bring, I enjoy creating my own path more. |
But my Aspie friend felt genuine discomfort around new things and people and he tried to rationalize it by saying he didn't care. But I think he did care. He even cried for a full room when he left us (almost making many others almost cry as well)!
I think he would be better off admitting his feelings and accepting them trying to work from there. He even told me once he read some research where over-expressing some gene would make people feel less need for control and how this could free him in a way.
But who am I, I may be completely mistaken and project a "Vulcan-like deep emotional life that needs to be controlled" -picture onto him, while this is not how it is. But I felt a bond with this guy, I think we did share very similar thought routines. We both felt a need for control but I felt less fear for unexpected things and human connections, though we certainly both felt the need.