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by avgDev 2534 days ago
I do it too....and I hate it........

I'm trying to tackle it by writing it down and waiting for others to finish with some decent success.

4 comments

I (rarely) do it too. What I realized is in most cases (if not all) it's all about spitting it out whatever is in my mind without any intention to listen to what others are trying to say and without thinking that I can learn so much from others.

Writing it down won't get you too far, imho. Because you probably still will be in rush just to read what you noted down and eventually miss the chance to learn from others. It's all about listening first.

There was a thread here on HN recently, titled "People with Greater Intellectual Humility Have Superior General Knowledge".[0] I think it's pretty relevant here in this topic. Intellectual humility goes a long way I'd say :-)

[0]https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20124447

> What I realized is in most cases (if not all) it's all about spitting it out whatever is in my mind without any intention to listen to what others are trying to say and without thinking that I can learn so much from others.

Sometimes technical thoughts can be literally founded on faulty assumptions and will teach you nothing unless providing another anecdote of a conceptual mistake is instructive.

Listening in bikeshedding conversations is a wise maneuver, though. Save your forceful thoughts for actual problems.

I wear a rubber band on my wrist and lightly snap it when someone is telling me something and I feel compelled to interrupt. It brings me out of the moment just enough to wait. But, you have to remember that the rubber band exists :-)
I hope you don't snap it too loudly, because I would probably find that noise as offputting as an interruption :)
If I know parent is doing to keep from talking over the top of the quiet team member, I will be more than happy to put up with the snapping.
The is a cool strategy! I will definitely try and employ this.
Try keeping a stopwatch in your head (think speed chess).

Start it when you start talking, and periodically make it a habit to check ("How long has it been since someone else talked?").

If it's been too long, wrap up your thoughts and pause a while before launching into the next bit.

It's usually obliviousness ("I didn't notice anyone else", in my personal experience), but it can feel very rude to others ("I didn't want to listen to anyone else").

All part of soft skills. We all get better together.

I do it too & I hate it. My worry is that if I don't say it immediately I'll forget my comment/argument. I've tried scribbling it down and raise them later. But not very consistent in this process.
I tell myself it's always better my idea goes unheard than someone else not get to share theirs.

If it's really important, I'll remember it.

That is very nice way of articulating it
Instead of writing down your thoughts write down the names of people you cut off, then track them down and apologize.

Apology speaks directly to your impulsive mind, a kind of self-inflicted peer pressure mechanism.