[godDLL]

It seems to me that you are trying too hard to build a detailed conquest map of an unknown (to yourself) territory. How about you stop torturing that partner of yours with your own perceived inadequacy, how about you drop all them things that you can't seemingly carry on, how about you start with a habit journal and go from there? Pick one habit: exercise for half an hour every other day. Feel around what being that person is like. Visualise new outcome, pick an additional habit, journal. Feel.

And don't spend all of that time in your own head, go outside and do things. Pick up a skill and use it. Get paid. Feel.

Heed. I was you. I am you. No more. Cheers.