[6cd6beb]

Disheartening.

I grew up with absentee parents. This is an unwelcome spin on that situation. I can't even give an opinion on this that doesn't immediately fly into rage. I just hope I don't try to pair off with someone who ends up getting hoodwinked by articles like this. This is disgusting.

[rayiner]

There is a difference between parents who are absent because they don’t care, and parents who are absent because they have a lot of work to do. My dad worked overseas and was gone for 30-40% of the year when I was a kid. Grew up to have a great relationship with him, because when he was here he was always attentive. (Not in the sense of spending a lot of time with us—he worked 60 hour weeks stateside. But in the sense of always calling when we got home from school and generally being loving and supportive.)

[arkades]

> Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

> I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.

I don’t think this one counts as “absent because they had a lot to do.” This one is just prioritizing the kids second.

[zcid]

Same here. My dad was military when I was young and during my teenage years had another job that took him away from home for about half of the month.

I wouldn't ever disparage him for it. He provided well for his family, and most of my favorite childhood memories are the times we spent together. To this day, I try to spend as much time with him as possible while I still can.

I can only hope that I give my kids as much of myself as he did.

[macspoofing]

>because when he was here he was always attentive.

That doesn't sounds like the author. Kids will understand if a parent is away because they are working to make their (i.e. the kid's) life better. My father worked long hours, sometimes multiple jobs, all his life for little money, as did my mother. Even though they weren't around for some of my recitals or Christmas pageants, I respect them both that much more because I knew why they were doing it ... even as a kid. Kids aren't stupid though. If the parent is absent for selfish reasons, in order to fulfil their life and their goals, it will lead to bitterness and resentment. It will.

[barry-cotter]

Some people are bitter and resentful and would have had the exact same childhood you did and think their parents weren’t there for them. People in extremely similar circumstances feel very differently about them all the time, often enough within the same family.

[macspoofing]

You're correct, and we're all speculating because we don't know their situation. It could all be fine and the kids have other support systems ... but it doesn't sound good as written.

[EdwardDiego]

I'd like to hear your experiences if you feel like sharing.

[hrktb]

> They were lovingly cared for by their father, their grandmother, my son’s preschool teacher and my daughter’s babysitter.

For me that’s the critical part. Her kids could still feel they don’t get enough of her time, but they’re not just abandonned.

As a kid I spent a lot of time with my grand mother and other outer family members, without my parents. It was fine, actually fun, and everyone seemed to feel responsible for my well being while I was with them.

I also feel this mother chose to prioritize her job because she actualy could, and wouldn’t be doing so if her kids were miserable.

[rrggrr]

Same. Shaped my parenting priorities and philosophy. Based on the state of my kids ... For the better.