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This is a really important moment in your life. You're on the right track asking questions about it. I do have some actionable steps you can take. 1.
Please, please read the book "The Five Love Languages". Don't say another word to her until you have this short book in your head. It will explain, right away, the things you need from your wife to feel loved and happy with her. You have noticed resentment building in you (its good that you're self aware and willing to talk about it). Being resentful can lead to you being really aggressive in an argument which will drive her even more into personal goals and then your marriage is over. Remember, she is still the one you fell in love with. Right now, she is high on success. 2.
When a person is selfish, it is extremely hard to take away the euphoria they are feeling. For the purposes of this online discussion, it maybe you who are selfish. However, because you're the one asking about it, know that you will be the one to start the both of you down the right path. You will be the one who understands what is really going on. That is a big job, and you'll have to commit yourself to making the marriage last and work in a better way. 3.
People are selfish. You, your wife, your children, the guy who cut you off in traffic ... the people at work who think your wife is amazing your husband just doesn't understand you. She won't listen to them, unless its been your tenth argument and you yelled at her again and have not met her love language. 4.
You can be totally happy with your wife. She can totally respect you. You'll need to use forgiveness and an ongoing understanding about how great marriages work. You learn about software techniques all the time, you're on HN after all! So now, spend a few moments learning about great marriages and how they work from the book, "The Five Love Languages". 5.
Imagine, try to really imagine this, that your wife is unfulfilled as a person and as a wife. She does not have bad intentions. She is emotionally starving for something missing in her life. What if you could do, say, or in a small way meet that emotional need? Would you be willing to do it? If you're not, then someone or something else will! |
And jeeze, #5 there is speaking directly at me.