[qetuo13579]

You can’t be a manager and a team member. To the direct you’ll always be the boss with a big flashing sign on your forehead.

Your direct is professional with the team and I presume still achieves good results?

Through one on ones don’t bother find out why their behavior is the way it is. You’re not a psychologist. Focus on the behaviors. What they say, how they say it, facial expressions, body language, their actions and work product. Constantly give both positive and negative feedback to gently steer your directs in the right direction. “When you make rude comments like that, it makes me think that you don’t respect me and I hesitate to ask for your input on the direction of the team. Could you please change this?”

One other suggestion is that whenever you offer your directs a choice, your must always be prepared to honour their choice. Never overrule them. If you want input to help you make a decision, make sure you are clear that you aren’t asking them to decide, only to provide an opinion. Build trust by giving choices and then honouring them.