[DoreenMichele]

A therapist can be a useful tool. I spent a total of about 3.5 years of my life in therapy.

I also briefly was in couple's counseling and my husband was seeing a therapist as well during that time. He was extremely introverted and he truly hated discussing private matters with a therapist.

One day I told him "I don't care if you see a therapist. I just want our marriage to get better. Therapy is just a means to an end. That's it."

He happily quit therapy and couple's counseling promptly. He also promptly was a better husband to me and never fell down on the implied promise that he would rise to the occasion somehow.

I continued with therapy because I had a lot to sort out and I saw it as a useful tool.

In the long run, learning how to live well was the best therapy for me, so to speak. But I didn't personally know how to get there without first talking to someone about bad things that had happened to me and how they shaped me. My husband didn't want to go through that step and he was somehow able to just behave different towards me once I made it clear "I just want a better marriage. That's it. I don't actually care if you go to therapy."