| I'm still trying to understand it myself. There's definitely the bits about socializing being taxing (introvert) or energizing (extrovert). Maybe that's just aging and slowing down. But a huge component is becoming very transactional, jealously guarding my time and attention (both rapidly diminishing resources). Having become best friends with 100s of people and then becoming yesterday's news after my defeat, my calculus changed. What does this person want? Is this interaction worth my time? At the same time, I've become very nice and polite. I strive to reduce my social footprint, never be the problem customer, be ever patient, be unremarkable. And maybe provide some cheer, or positivity, or respite, to most everyone I meet. But now it's anonymous. I almost never share my name. I hope the person quickly forgets me. (Note: In person. My online persona is still a troll, but I'm trying to change.) -- The aspect I'm still chewing on is "social availability". Like openness vs aloofness. It's a weird thing. I used to be the most approachable person. Spontaneous conversations. People sharing the weirdest most intimate stuff about themselves. Always being asked for directions by strangers. Having children and dogs crawl all over me. It was unsolicited and unavoidable. Now I can turn that off. You may have experienced the difference while traveling vs commuting to work. Visiting somewhere new, everything's stimulating, you're trying to take it all it, you have certain openness, you recognize the openness in others, maybe you're more flirtatious. But during your commute, routine settles in, you develop tunnel vision, avoid eye contact, face goes slack / neutral / hard, become avoidant so the panhandlers and other people striving to get your attention just become part of the background noise. -- I'm also trying to be a better friend to my besties. Concentrated friendship equity vs spread out. Lastly, things change. Having cared for my grandparents and now parents, watching how they've pulled themselves in, it's a sad thing to survive all your contemporaries. Whoever said "it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" was full of shit. |
Can I ask how old you are?