[ossie]

You should sit with your other co-founder(s) and present your current predicament just as you've done here. Your subsequent conversation should be weighing the cost (to the startup) of you leaving to go back to back to big tech vs. you staying and cutting back on your time commitment/responsibilities to where you find some balance. Hopefully, you all have a good enough relationship where you can be open, direct and honest with each other on how palatable a compromise is to all parties.

You should consider and be ready to address questions like how long is the cut back on commitment going to last, how will it affect whatever targets/milestones you guys have on the drawing board, will it impact your equity in the startup?

The guilt is a natural feeling, but you shouldn't let that stop you from ultimately doing what is right. If there is no balance to be found and you have to choose between your family and your startup, leave...just don't do it without giving your co-founder(s) an opportunity to chime in. I would encourage any valuable team member (or co-founder) in your position to take whatever time they needed, and even consider a temporary hire to offload work in the interim.

[alexpetralia]

This seems like a textbook "good answer" from the book "Difficult Conversations".

Don't try and figure out how people will think in the isolation of your own mind. To quote Wittgenstein: look and see! Or in this case, ask and see!

[wjossey]

Indeed!

You may find your co-founders say, "We have a good runway. Let's increase your salary temporarily / issue you a bonus to help offset the increased expenditures. Is there a way for us to adjust our hours to better accommodate your needs? How do we take more off your plate so you can focus on your family, and only work on the most important things for the business with the time remaining?"

FWIW- This is also why finding the right co-founders matters a lot. Having deep trust with your co-founders so that you can have these types of difficult conversations matters a lot.

[brigandish]

That is one of my favourite books, it completely changed the way I think and continues to. I often wish it was more widely read.

[ossie]

Just looked up the book (which i hadn't heard of), and it looks like its worth reading. Thanks for mentioning it!

[wjossey]

One of their other books, "Thanks for the Feedback", is also reading I regularly recommend as a part of my mentoring program.