| I have no reason to think that I have any form of autism, but growing up I did (and still do to some extent) experience severe anxiety regarding sensory perception. I'd give anything to have had my parents follow that sensory guide toolbox when I was a kid. I couldn't explain why it "hurt" to make physical contact with people, why seemingly arbitrary things would give me head to toe shivers that I couldn't shake off. This was all dismissed as me being dramatic or wanting attention. But the worst was the ways I found to cope: I found that eating a lot of paper and chewing (and I'm ashamed to say, eating) fabric helped me a lot. I'd secretly walk to a department store to buy bath towels and I'd "eat" one in about a month. Of course it was a gross habit, but it was an unstoppable compulsion. And everyday I hated myself when I'd excrete this shredded up fabric. A classmate called me out in 8th grade, when in the middle of class, she said "Ascur it's disgusting how you're always eating paper" and it was just a horrible moment, I didn't even consider that other people would notice. So things came to a head when I was 19 and got food poisoning, and was scared that the fabric had gotten stuck somewhere in my digestive tract. I told my parents we needed to go to the hospital and the whole situation, and of course it was just a whole mess of shame and being unable to explain myself. Even after they found out, I'd still continue in secret, it was all I could look forward to on a day to day basis. I've since done CBT and discovered resources on dealing with this, but yeah, I just wanted to share how weird and hard it can be. So I really hope that kids today have access to these resources. |