[elptacek]

"Switch" by Chip and Dan Heath. Website here: http://heathbrothers.com/switch/. I don't tend to go out of my way for self-help type books, which this may or may not be. The authors leverage a lot of research and rhetoric that was already familiar, plus some that was not. It was pleasing to learn some new vocabulary, such as "Fundamental Attribution Error" and "Ego Depletion." Since my kids were born, it has been very apparent that the better a human is at manipulating others, the more likely that human is to survive. But we tend to think of manipulating behavior as having negative connotations. "Switch" is full of stories about effecting change by manipulating behavior. Positive stories. As a parent, I found the reminder to look for positive ways to reinforce desired behavior invaluable. And, personally, I found the notion that behavior is highly attributable to environmental forces something of a relief.

[aik]

Very interesting. I haven't read the book, but is the only reason you see some of the manipulations as "positive" because you are an authority figure to your children and you know "what is best for them"? At what stage is the manipulating a detriment to their development? Would you call it brainwashing? Building structures within their mind without them realizing (at the current time anyway)?

Am I misunderstanding here? I am seriously wondering and hoping that I am. I am still struggling with realizing what I believe in certain circumstances and I wonder if it's partly due to manipulation.

[tptacek]

Obviously, you're not a golfer.

[elptacek]

I missed this. Had my head in the sand. It's not clear from what I wrote which direction the manipulation was going when the epiphany occurred.

Here was this small, completely helpless animal that would have died if I hadn't cared for it. As he got older, he began to exhibit a behavior that is commonly referred to as 'flirting' -- starts with smiling. The response in the mother's body is a release of oxytocin. Children don't just flirt with their parents; they also do it with strangers. To be short, the more people a small, helpless human can charm into caring for it, the more likely it is to survive. It's hard to believe that a child's first smile at around one month of age is a learned behavior. This leads me to believe that we're naturally wired to try to control each other to our advantage.

Sure, there's a line where that stops being moral, but those borders are cultural.