[ironix]

Consider that risk aversion is not a bad trait — google “three fund portfolio” and the theory behind it. Stock speculation is time consuming and akin to betting. Know when to appreciate your aversion to risk.

Another way of phrasing self-confidence is “self-validating.” Social confidence is essentially not looking to others for validation. It starts with rewiring how you perceive the world (see: CBT). Isn’t it odd that you construct stories of your failure that link back to your physical attributes? What if you told different stories? This one is hard to grok until you start to realize how much your brain filters out information to fit your core beliefs about yourself. I didn’t believe this until I realized that my negative self stories kept popping up while talking to people with strabismus (eye misalignment). I was literally looking them in the damn wrong eye, and telling myself how disengaged they were and how uninteresting I was because they “weren’t looking at me.” Most of what we perceive is what we already believe. It is unnerving, but valuable to know.

You mention the word “feeling” a few times. Is this in reference to anxiety? We’re all templated to feel social anxiety, but some more than others — especially those running negative self-talk reels in their head. Try to first start seeing that anxiety when it happens, even if you can’t halt it. Foster the skill of emotional self-observation.

Just trying to offer some new starting points. No easy answers here. Try loving-kindness meditation for a start — you’re going to have to come to love and respect your 5’5 balding self in the end.