| The biggest issue is resentment, although I've personally gotten over it for the most part. The key phrase of the article being "secret" - it took me until junior year of college to realize that the reason a lot of my classmates could eat out wherever they wanted and buy whatever clothes they wanted was due to their parents funding their lifestyle. In comparison, I struggled a lot in college financially (even on a full ride scholarship), as well as fitting in with my peers both academically and culturally. When I had asked my friends how they were able to afford everything, they always told me that they had "money saved up", which I legitimately believed and never really questioned. It really wasn't until I started working and my friends would reminisce about college that I realized that the "money saved up" was really their parents money. Then some of my friends started buying homes: they had "money saved up" and "invested wisely", they claimed, but this time I was wiser because we were working the same job at the same company, and I knew that they spent more money than me. When I started my own company, some of my friends in the tech community said something along the lines of, "how much money are your parents gonna invest?" - which is the same kind of assumed privilege that left me feeling so bitter before. I've definitely grown out it since then and have taken steps to stop comparing myself to others as much, but it's human nature to do so and I think my story will ring true with a lot of people with similar backgrounds. Ultimately, there's nothing inherently wrong with any of this, but I did spend a lot of time saying no to a lot of things (as a result of not having time and/or money) and feeling inadequate as a result. And before anyone says I should "make better friends" - I think our own personal narratives are always biased to sound more self-sufficient than we actually are, so no, I don't blame anyone either. |
I moved cities for an awesome job and moved in with my best friend from high school. He was on his second year in an engineering program at a major university. I was working full time and going to community college classes at night, while he worked part time and was living on financial aid and loans. I was incredibly jealous. He would go out drinking every night, always had cash to do whatever he wanted, had a nice car, took amazing vacations and I can't tell you how many times I would wake up and see a different girl who spent the night.
Later on, when I looked at my peers who were buying houses and nice cars, I had assumed they were doing better than me, had better jobs, or had help. Nope. They were up to their eyeballs in debt. Some lost jobs and lost everything. My best friend ended up moving away after a suicide attempt and never heard what happened to him.
Lastly, I decided to go back to school for a second degree in electrical engineering. Not because I needed, but because I wanted the challenge. I had to retake some lower level courses that didn't transfer. Overhearing young adults complain about not having time to do anything, school is so hard, and then talking about the party where they smoked pot all night is just cringe-worthy.
You shouldn't feel inadequate at all. I certainly don't.