[csomar]

Move.

The location you are staying in has become toxic to you. For whatever reason. Go to a gay-friendly location so that you don't hate yourself. You might like a city/place and "life" because of a coffee shop.

Obviously, life is more complicated than that and you'll need infrastructure from time to time and maybe daily. If I were you, I'll look up gay-friendly locations and give them a short trip. Minimize costs as much as possible.

Don't stay in tourist friendly locations. Try to go to places you'd go if you were living there. See what it feels like. Some country/community/city will be a right match for you and then you'll fix a significant psychological problem.