[AnimalMuppet]

All right, but...

When I actually get output that says "hello", that isn't pure, is it? And there is some way for me to actually produce that output, isn't there? It may not be "evaluating putStrLn", but it's something.

And if that's all true, then rujuladanh is essentially correct: You're being pedantic in a way that misses the main point.