[jakejarvis]

Yikes.

"But all my customers love and trust me!" == "I'm just an above-average con man."

"But I was just doing this to support them without bothering them!" == "I'm clearly not ready to take responsibility and fess up to anything because I thought my deceptively named functions would fool everybody (and still do)."

"But my girlfriend and I love cat memes!" == "Please, for the love of god, can we forget about all this and talk about cat memes instead?" [I honestly have no clue what he was trying to get at in the first six paragraphs...]