[ljordan]

When my dad died I felt as though I was at sea without a compass. I came to see that fundamentally we only know what we know and that we are responsible for the ship (our lives) regardless of what we know about navigation (if anything). Usually experience shows us that we only think we know, but there is a pretty long list of things that generally work that we can learn about. The loss I feel is that the trusted navigator I used to ask when I couldn't tell where my ship was going isn't there anymore, and he can't be replaced. He used to say "do the best you can, that's as much as any of us can do". Navigating as best I can honors him and pulls me together at the low points. Letting the vessel go adrift doesn't help anyone. He's been gone a few years now. I don't know that my life will ever be "back together again". It just goes on changing, and for now, I go on with it.