[htanirs]

I can relate to what you are going through. Depression sucks. And not everybody can understand what it feels like.

I was in a situation where depression messed up my career and I had to open up. But what helped me was opening up to people who are not very close. There was no fear of judgement and they were also going out of the way to help out. There were so many who reached out to offer help. While it did not improve my personal situation, it did provide me the hope when I needed it badly. And over time, the situation gets better.

Also when I started looking at my depression as an illness rather than a reflection on myself, it made things slightly better.

Would suggest you to hang in there. Please talk to folks who have reached out in this forum and outside, support groups.

Maybe reaching out to old employers, ex-colleagues, taking up part time or related work might open some doors till you can get things right.

Please know that situations do get better, you have held up so far and give it some more time. When in doubt, think of the days prior to the illness, it will help you to bounce back.