|
|
|
|
|
by default-kramer
2669 days ago
|
|
Some feedback that I hope is constructive: Once you have your lyrics, refactor them! For example "They'll talk about me like one of the greats / I'll be chilling with Bezos and Bill Gates" could be improved (IMO) to: "They'll buzz about me like one of the greats / I'll be chilling with Jeff B. and B. Gates" Introduces wordplay (bees buzz) and internal rhyme ("me" rhymes with "[Jeff] B.") You can usually make these kinds of edits without too much restructuring. Then, you might replace "chilling" with "drinking" to get a triple entendre since drinking causes a buzz. Or maybe better, you say "sipping java with Jeff B. and B. Gates" because coffee also gives you a buzz, and you get some wordplay out of "java" (although maybe you don't want to!) |
|