Ask HN: How do remote workers separate work and personal life contexts at home?

[fgandiya]

Kinda hard to put it in the title, but I'm wondering how remote workers go about separating their work contexts from their personal lives.

I'm an advocate for "work stays at work" and I'm wondering how that works with remote work. I don't deny the benefits or remote work, I'm just having a hard time figuring out how you would go about focusing on just work or just life at home.

[emilburzo]

I have been working remotely for the past 8 years, here's what worked for me:

- separate space that is work only (ideally even a co-working space, but there's no decent one available where I live)

- establishing with SO that when I'm in that space, I'm "not home"

- have fixed working hours as consistently as possible (besides making your availability more predictable to others, this also helps on other fronts, like:)

- work slack and gmail notifications set to on only during work hours, _automatically_ off after

- set working hours in google calendar (others get a warning if they schedule outside those hours)

- mark lunch in google calendar

- when "at work", focus only on work, but when work is done, close everything asap -- even if in the middle of something (it might feel like a waste if you're in the zone, but you pay it the next day if you stay late) -- this was hard to get into, especially the guilt part, but going outside immediately e.g. for a walk/cycling, or something that needs some focus from your part, helped with that

- although my workstation runs 24/7, I open/close all work related programs (IDE, slack, etc) when "arriving" and "leaving" work, it seems to help the mind cope better with the lack of a physical commute

And as a side-note, choosing a company that is 100% remote makes all that at least an order of magnitude easier because people can relate to what you're going through (bonus points if they also have a life outside work)

[akulbe]

For me, one of the most crucial ways is to have a separate room where I do work. When I'm in my office, the door is closed. Our daughter is instructed not to interrupt me unless she's been told to do so. She leaves me alone to work while she's home.

When I come out the door gets closed again and it's family time.

I realize not everyone has this option, but for us, it's been amazing.

[greencurry43]

I wrote my own feedback below but left out this crucial piece you've mentioned here. I think to add to it, my family treats it as if I'm not there. I can't watch the kiddos for a few minutes or help get the laundry during work time. It's easy to do a lot of small things and have a completely disjointed day.

And the opposite is true, when I'm off work I'm off. My team can't treat me as always available because I'm remote. That takes time to establish.

Good point to mention.

[throwaway713824]

I'm able to do this, having a separate office area works well. Although interruptions aren't really a problem since my family is away during the day. Neither of my current remote jobs are particularly demanding; start late, two or three hour lunch and I shut down at 5. That's it for me.

[muzani]

Agreed with this. If you don't have a room, it's worth it to rent out a small office somewhere. Or find a co-working space.

[zepolen]

At this point what's the point of remote working if you're going to commute to an office and put your butt in a chair.

[muzani]

You get to control which office to go to. The HQs where I live are about 3-5 hours daily drive, or moving to a slummy place with insane rent.

Coworking spaces have very nice environments and public transport access. Small offices are usually away from other coworkers, but you can find something near a nice restaurant or next to your kid's school.

Also I'm not sure what you mean by putting your butt in a chair. Would you be working lying in a bed at home?

[smizell]

I've had successes and failures working four years remotely, so that's my disclaimer. But the key for me has been to have a dedicated space with a dedicated computer for work. If it's easy to work on the couch you'll do it, so try to never work outside your area (if you can). Only work in your work area.

Also, protect your personal time. Do simple things, like mark out your lunch time on your calendar and don't let meetings creep into it—you'll be surprised how much this can help. Stop work at a time like 5pm and propose alternate times when people schedule things after it. People are usually open to moving meetings and may have not considered your stop time. Time zones make this harder as it's hard to keep track of when lunch is for people. Meetings during personal times should be exceptions.

Try to keep work things off your phone, though that's easier said than done with things like Slack or email. They make it too easy to work without feeling like you're working. I'm failing here currently :)

These above are all things you can do as an individual. But I think the success will also depend on your team. If you are the only remote person, it will be harder than if everyone is distributed. You'll need to ask people to write more and act like everyone is remote because you'll miss out. I've found that if you're the only remote person, it helps if your team works from home a day or two a week so they have to work remotely.

To summarize, set clear boundaries and expectations with yourself and your team with how and when you work and try to move your team to be remote-first.

[protonimitate]

I am not full time remote, but work 2-3 days a week from home (yay flexible schedule).

Having a separate space is key for me. It makes a huge different to have a 'work zone' where I can eliminate distractions as much as possible and be focused when working.

The biggest issue for me personally, is setting boundaries with my SO when I am work from home. She works in-office full time, and when I work from home the 'honey do' requests start to leak in. In reality 'checking the fridge to see if we have x' is not a show stopping distraction, but those types of requests pile up and can interrupt the flow of work. I have to remind her a) I can't always respond in a timely manner, or b) be expected to do any little task (if I have time I will, but I shouldn't be guilt-ed if I say no).

The second biggest issue is turning off my brain at the end of the day. When I work in the office the commute home acts as a nice buffer and de-compression time to reset my brain before getting into 'real person' mode. When I work from home I tend to work longer hours and switching over to social mode is tougher.

It terms of setting boundaries with co-workers/bosses - this is mostly a team specific thing. Luckily my manger and their managers all do a good job of not being work-a-holics. Luckily, as a dev you are only ever required to be available outside your set hours if you are designated on-call or support.

[meowzero]

I used to be 100% remote (about a year). I had a work computer and a personal computer. Once I shutdown my work computer, I'm done with work. Now it's time for personal life.

I also don't try to install any work related stuff on my personal phone like Slack, work emails, etc.

I guess I had a way to draw a hard line in my mind once I "left for work" by closing my work computer.

During non-working hours, I would also leave home and do a lot of stuff outside of the house with other people: eat out, hang out with friends, etc. I'm pretty introverted, but being inside the house all day for several days straight increased my stress levels. It sneaks up on you.

[dominotw]

Using work computer only for work. But yeah it's hard, I am struggling with this myself.

[uberman]

Everyone can have trouble separating "work" and "home". My wife who does research in machine learning / machine classification has a formal office and lab but also "works" almost every evening including weekends while at home. In some sense, even though she has more traditional "on location" job, she has more trouble separating "work" and "home".

I have worked "remotely" for years. Word of caution, while there are upsides, it can be rather lonely. For me this is the biggest hurdle to cross. Anyways, here is how I keep a separation.

1) Worlds do not collide.

First and most importantly, maintain a work specific environment. If you blend private and work use in a location or on a device, then you will never not be at work. Don't use your work phone or laptop for personal use. If you can dedicate a space in your home as on office then great (I realize not everyone can do this) but do not use your personal phone or laptop for company business.

Don't let work electronics invade your home life. Don't use / take them when with your family. Don't use them after dinner. Don't take them to bed with you. Want to play minecraft with your kids, watch a netflix movie, post on facebook, do game dev on the side, write a book, do your taxes.... Get a personal workstation.

Don't use your personal phone number, personal email, personal dropbox, personal github, personal whatever for work related stuff. I know it would be super convenient to just have your employer connect to your personal dropbox or github account. Just don't.

Finally, when you are sick, be sick. When you need to take the afternoon off to take your kid to the dentist, schedule it and take the time off. Don't half ass your health, family or job.

2) Be more "present" than everyone else.

While the first item is really my direct answer to your question, I do have a further recommendation that will help you be successful as a remote employee. Remote workers are invisible. You don't get the informal back channel communications at coffee or the hallway face time with your boss that an on-site employee gets. You must compensate for this.

Set formal hours when you will be available. Clearly and regularly communicate them to your team and your boss. Be the first on the call/standup. Participate via video and look professional. Kids and pets and other home life should not infiltrate your meetings.

Over document your code and issues, comments and feedback. Provide textbook test cases and instructions. Get clarification of tasks and priorities from your boss and team on a daily basis. One on one communication is great, but small group is even better. Under promise and over deliver, not the other way around. Under no circumstances should you "go silent" or be "heads down" for an extended period of time. When asked, all members of your team should be able to explain what you are working on today.

As a remote employee, you must always be reachable during expected hours. Going to make/get a coffee or use the bathroom? Say so in team chat. "Hey, just going to run and get a coffee" dropped in Slack costs nothing. The alternative will eventually be feedback to your boss that "I can never get a hold of that person".

Good luck with your remote work.