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I went through two divorces, and some of my considerations was along the same lines (not enough time and creative energy for my own ideas) (spoiler: I thought I could work more on my own ideas, but in the end, I couldn't). Looking back I think I could've done better at least in the first one, where we were left with shared custody of kids. Several points to take into account before making a decision like this: 1. It wasn't clear from your description whether you're going to share custody of those two kids. If you are (and if you cared about a kid long enough, even if it's not yours, you probably are!), then doing it while living separately (and, perhaps, each having a separate partner) is going to be a much bigger effort, which will negatively impact your ability to work on your own ideas. You'll pretty much do all you do today as a parent, spend significant time on commute, spend money, and then spend time, money and emotional energy with a new partner as well. If it ends up this way, it can feel very very limiting. 2. It's possible that your discomfort about living together with someone has more to do with your own habits, way of organizing your life and space and your thinking, then with the choice of a specific partner. E.g. you may run into the same problems with the next woman if you live with her. If you don't, dating while living separately, presents its own set of challenges and does take time and effort (you get some of the freedoms, but if you see each other regularly, time becomes an issue, compounded with a longer commute!) 3. Loved ones often play inspirational role. You get more time and freedom, but possibly less inspiration - will it work? 4. Some of the problems like you mentioned can sometimes be solved with more space. Have you tried moving to a bigger apartment or a house, where you'd set up a quiet workspace for your own projects? It may be worth ($$) investment. I actually regret that I didn't approach my relationship problems as "not enough space problems". Especially given that you describe your wife loves you and is supportive of your needs. Throw some $$ into the problem: make more space, make more time (e.g. hire a nanny, a housekeeper). 5. Take your 10-year old desires with a grain of salt. Are you sure you really want it, or is it just a memory from the past? You can test-drive it without separating permanently. 6. Enjoying the relationships is a skill. There are trained professionals who can help both you and your wife to improve that skill, called "marriage counselors". Definitely worth a shot. 7. If you're in the U.S. and were married for over 10 years, and your wife making less money than you (at least 20% difference), there are high chances she'll be eligible for lifetime spousal support. Think of monetary consequences and limitations they would impose (especially weighting it against "throwing $$ in attempt to improve things"). Consult with a divorce lawyer for more information. 8. Don't stress about it too much, if it ends up in a divorce, try to stay friends, collaborate if there's possible shared custody, and move on. Divorce isn't end of the world. |