[why_do_you_]

Why do you have such a profound desire to work?

In my life, this has been a coping mechanism. A way to ignore deeper personal problems. I have spent thousands of hours retreating to a fantasy world of code where I am in total control. The more time I spend here, the more I want to stay.

This entire process started at an early age for me. A poor childhood. I turned inward. No friends. My validation and meaning came from coding.

I have created application after application, thinking I was solving problems or doing something meaningful, but these were just rationalizations to avoid confronting my demons.

Might this be a similar case for you? Is more time to code what you really need, or is it something else?

[throwawayIn2019]

Perhaps. A very poor childhood. A product of foster care. I paid my way through school by working 3 almost full-time jobs at the same time plus school. This made me just keep going every day regardless. But working so much gave me no time to do anything I wanted to.

Fast forward to now. I'm over 40. I have loads of things I wanted to accomplish by now. Every day I start out at 4:30am good but once the wife and kids are up. There goes my productivity.

Plus, coding is all I have ever done. I started with c++ at 13 and to sit and write code for my own goals just brings me so much happiness. To see it working, see others using it. Hell, even banging my head against the wall solving problems makes me happy.