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by throwaway987909 2708 days ago
I'm in recovery for BPD. I did a shit load of emotional damage to my family because of it.

My BPD stems from childhood abandonment (absent father) and persistent emotional abuse from my likely NPD mother. I learned to doubt things I feel/thought and often reality sometimes. Real love and emotion connection were terrifying to me on a subconscious level. I never could trust anyone, not even myself (the only one to trust was my abuser). I developed so many coping mechanisms to protect myself from my mother that involve projection, distortion of reality and emotional manipulation. My brain learned all these horrible ways of protect myself from my abuser and I applied those behaviors to everyone around me.

It has taken years of unpacking my childhood trauma to get to like 90% remission of symptoms. Before that it was years of denial about my behaviors before I even started to entertain the fact I had BPD.

I'm sorry to hear BPD is effecting both you and your brother. There is hope but he has to be on board and it's a long road.
1 comments
zamalek 2708 days ago
> he has to be on board

I'll always love my brother but, for this reason, I'd need to see proof that he's doing what you are. My brother has taught me that forgiveness does not imply a return to the previous status quo: we have our own, our spouses' and our childrens' mental health to protect.

I wish the best for you and patching up things with your family; I'm sure that they all still love you and want nothing more than a healthy relationship with you.

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throwaway987909 2707 days ago
It's a hard decision to cut family off but sometimes it's necessary. I gave my mother an ultimatum a few years back, either hear what I'm saying and deal with your shit or I can't talk to you anymore. She chose the later. Going through the same process now with my dad. Yet to see where that's going. But you must defend yourself first. If others are causing tons of harm and totally unwilling to hear you and work on things, there's no shame in disconnecting. You don't owe anyone anything because they are blood.
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