Ask HN: Advice for coworker with ADHD

[throwaway515100]

I have a coworker that has hinted may have ADHD. I don't much about ADHD so I will just describe what I experience and maybe someone has advice on how to deal with this (keep in mind we work remotely, and the coworker has been here longer than me):

* Sentences are difficult to unpack. A paragraph might be talking about 10 barely related things. It often takes me quite some time to make sense of what I'm being told.

* Strong opinions that are often wrong. This coworker is senior and has worked for some high-profile SV companies so the words carry weight. Unfortunately, the advice I receive sometimes makes me drag my feet for weeks on the wrong path. I don't assume there's ill will though.

* Comments on tickets are really random. When trying to read tickets that this coworker worked on, I often have to read 20-30 small comments theorizing about lots of different things. I'm exhausted when I reach the end.

My natural reaction is to stop asking for advice or sharing my work. Ignoring opinions or second guessing them. I hate that. I can't imagine this is being done on purpose so again, no ill will that I can detect.

I'm not this person's boss. Our boss doesn't seem to care much (he often ignores or chuckles when something odd is said). In any case, I don't hope to change someone's behavior.

So the question is, what can I do so this doesn't become a bigger problem for me? Bonus points if I can keep the work environment "light".

[bjourne]

IMHO your complaints are minor. 2.5/5 on the awful work place scale, where 1 is the dream job and 5 is a job on which you are physically assaulted. For example, "Strong opinions that are often wrong" is a description that fits nearly every programmer and manager in the it industry.

That said, what you can do to make your life easier is to admit when you are confused and ask your coworker to clarify what he or she means. You can also ensure that your boss knows that you are working very hard on ensuring that there is no communication failures so that you aren't blamed in the future.

That your coworker has said that he or she has ADHD implies that they would like you to be considerate of their mental illness (disorder, disability, exact terminology unimportant).

[tjkrusinski]

I'd encourage you to learn a bit more about ADHD. Some of the things you described above are symptoms some aren't.

I have pretty bad ADHD and there's nothing that someone else could do to get me to address it. I have to decide to manage myself. Anything you do to mention it or bring it up to them is going to poke at the insecurity that they may have and likely worsen the problem.

That said, somethings to remember:

- If you are going to have a meeting with this person, try a walking meeting or something with some kind of other stimulus - Avoid having lengthy conversations in open office settings or 'busy' areas (specifically with TVs or other people) - Be ready to context switch when engaging with them and allow it. Chances are they are going to come back to that topic later on in the conversation.

I'm sure there are some other things worth thinking about, but def try to read some materials on what ADHD is, there's a lot out there.

[throwaway515100]

Thank you, I'll try to read more about ADHD. I just wanted to clarify that I have not determined this person has ADHD or anything else. They have said it. I'm just describing the behavior and mentioned ADHD as maybe that's related but it could very well NOT be. In any case, I appreciate your advice, thanks.

[bsvalley]

It seems to be a lack of confidence or a miss understanding of the requirements. In other words, no one really understands what has to be done and how to do it properly. If you understand the requirements and have enough knowledge about the domain, you should be able to articulate your thoughts clearly and simply. This goes for code reviews, integrating your work with your peers, splitting the tasks into smaller tasks, convincing someone about a technical choice, etc.

You and the 'ADHD' coworker can't seem to communicate properly about the actual topic (project, tasks, etc.). I'd suggest to sit down together and to go over the requirements. Slowly but surely. If your coworker knows exactly what you're working on and why (and vice versa), then the style shouldn't be the issue. We're all different and we all have different styles. It doesn't really matter.

[throwaway515100]

There is no doubt nobody fully understands the requirements (in our industry?) and that's good advice, being pragmatic. However, even when the requirements are clear, it's a pretty chaotic process which is hard to follow. I wouldn't discard this as simply being a style issue. This person seems pretty nervous when discussing things, so there is some struggle. I can try to clarify the requirements for everybody's sake (including mine). Please don't label this person as the 'ADHD coworker' though.

[evoneutron]

``Strong opinions that are often wrong. This coworker is senior and has worked for some high-profile SV companies so the words carry weight.``

That may be your opinion. What defines a wrong opinion? If he is senior and has worked for high-profiles companies then he probably has experience, and has produced some results. The fact that someone has a different opinion from you doesn't mean the opinion is wrong.

[throwaway515100]

Point taken. However, saying "X app connects to Y app, that's for sure" when that is NOT the case is wrong. Period. Facts are facts.

"We should do X because things are like Y" when things are like Z, you just have to check the code and show it, that's a hard fact.

Maybe I should have said "remembers facts incorrectly" instead of "opinion". Sorry.

Re: having worked in a famous SV company doesn't mean everybody should get a free pass to say B.S., right? I'm sure your FAANG company isn't made of perfect human beings (or has a perfect hiring process).

[notomorrow]

> mean everybody should get a free pass to say B.S., right? yes, but you should accept that this is not a purposeful action and it is because of a mental state condition.