[OxO4]

> the keys leave imprints on the monitor after the lid has been closed

Same with my Late 2013 MacBook Pro.

> the keyboard with it's rickety keys

I haven't used the XPS keyboards extensively but they seem to get good reviews and in my limited experience, I definitely prefer them to the new MacBook keyboards (which I've used quite a bit).

> I eat tramadol just to handle the back-pain from carrying it around in my rucksack

The XPS 13 is actually lighter than the MacBook Pro 13 and the new MacBook Air. The XPS 15 is half a pound heavier than the MacBook Pro 15, which should be barely noticeable when carried in a backpack. I am not quite following.