[toss1]

Actually, whether <asking proper questions> is "mean" or good depends on the competence of the person of whom the questions are asked.

For a competent person, a few proper questions present an opportunity to better explain their proposition, thesis, or thinking, and an opening to a potentially great conversation.

For an incompetent answerer, a few proper questions merely reveal the shallowness of their thesis and thinking. if they're smart, it'll be an indication that they should go back to the drawing board. If not, it'll just be an embarrassment, but informative to the questioner (as in, this person's ideas aren't worth more time).

If your only goal is maintaining superficial social connections, then proper questions should be left out (and there are times where this is indeed the goal and so appropriate). If the goals are more broad, then ask away...