[gumby]

Our household rule was "if you put it on your plate you had to finish it; if someone else put it on your plate you don't have to" (with some parental modulation such as "yes you are having some of these Brussels sprouts" or "finish the beans before you go for seconds").

Parents don't like to see food wasted (it took money to buy and time to prepare and the alternatives aren't good for kids) but these rules were also on us: don't put an unreasonable amount of food on the kids' plates.

[balfirevic]

That makes sense as a training mechanism for kids to not just overfill their plates regardless of how hungry they are.

But it is important to realize that food that you force someone to eat after they feel properly full is worse than wasted. Not only have you already spent time and money to prepare it, which you won't get back, but you also just made their stomach ache. And you have taken whatever little agency they have as a kid - now they freaking don't even get to decide how hungry they are.

(This is not directed at you, as you seem to have a reasonable system in place. Your comment just seemed like a good place to plug this rant) :)

[gumby]

They do learn to have agency: think plan ahead and make your own decision. Live with the consequences of your decision.

As I noted every decision is modulated by parental intervention — if a kid made an obvious mistake, possibly intervene early “are you sure you want six bao? Just take a couple — you can always have more” or late “ok, but see the problem? Next time let’s be more careful.”

Yeah, parenting is non-algorithmic, and once (if?) you get good at it it’s too late to do it again.

[Kalium]

> Yeah, parenting is non-algorithmic, and once (if?) you get good at it it’s too late to do it again.

Arguably multi-generational households with grandparents on hand are able to take advantage of this. This is perhaps not as useful as it was centuries ago, due to how fast society and the situations a family might face have shifted.

[gumby]

Good point. This is one hypothesis for why human females live beyond the end of fertility (so-called “grandmother thesis”)

[GordonS]

Do you think this could discourage kids from trying new foods, or does that come under "parental modulation", such that if you try it and don't like it, you don't have to eat it?

[gumby]

I think the idea that some foods should be avoided is learned from parents anyway. I’ve only ever seen it in the US.