[nkingsy]

I don’t have ADHD but I can relate to feeling that deep knowledge is inaccessible to me. My issue has always been around some kind of internal optimization function that is always asking “how will this help me”?

A solution that’s worked well for me is to only study deeply when I have a concrete need.

For example, when I felt my work suffering because I didn’t deeply understand z-index, it was easy to sell my brain on reading the complete z-index spec.

One of my hobbies is music, and I’m just starting to feel the limitations imposed by not understanding music theory deeply. That means it’s a good time for me to study music theory.

Some people feel compelled to learn things. I feel compelled to do things, and if I can’t do something as well as I want to for lack of knowledge, then I know I’m ready to learn things.

[JimboOmega]

Motivation is a super important factor for me. The gap between what I can accomplish when I care about somethin versus when I feel it is an obligation or requirement is huge. Thankfully the latter, combined with being smart enough to cover mistakes, has been good enough to keep me from failing things or getting fired, but it's a definite challenge.

Confuses the hell out of employers, too. "You did a great job on X, you really improved things, but when we put you on Y, you totally halfassed it" - because X was my idea, and Y was forced on me. I respect the (social) contract that you are my employer and I should do what I'm told; I know at least mentally I should try to excel on any task given me, but it's just so hard to invest in those kind of things.

Anyone can get demotivated; it's just that the gap for me is bigger than people are used to. I'm not blaming my employers here, to be clear - thinking that way does me no good, anyway(+). While the vast majority do a terrible job of recognizing the motivations of employees - and anyone can get demotivated - I'm going to be way worse at this than the average employee and it's up to me to compensate.

Another strategy: I learned early on ANY social context is motivating for me. So I try to schedule regular checkins, even if the org doesn't mandate them. Even a few minutes of a manager explaining the next project will yield much better work than getting a ticket thrown over the wall. Constantly engaging with others and feeling like they are personally depending on me is one of the most motivating things out there - so I have to keep reminding my bosses that YES, I do want to be in all those meetings.

I will say on the subject of learning - I mostly agree with you. I learn all the time in a huge variety of fields, and when I need to learn new tech to accomplish a task I relish it. But if I try to make myself learn something because it would push my career ahead? Force myself to devote some number of hours to a project in a new language, something like that? It's like pulling teeth. I can't get into it.

(+: In general, if the world discriminates against you, is difficult for you, etc - whether or not it's truly worse for you or a perception you have, it doesn't matter to you - what matters is how you react to it. Sitting at home crying how about how it's not fair will never benefit you.)