We value 3 swimming pools of an arbitrary substance at 7 trillion dollars. Any utility for it is irrelevant at this valuation - it does not produce dividends. Gold is a brand, and the value of gold is a shared illusion. Bitcoin is much newer brand but it's not inconceivable that it could maintain a similar shared illusion.
Crypto is... None of these. Whatever crypto is or will become, gold it, currently, is not.