[thwy12321]

This is the elephant in the room that most people don't want to discuss. Young women get confused, they are able to "short term date" men out of their league and so then balk at men who are their equals. I've seen a number of awkward marriage dynamics where the women was used to dating men of higher caliber than the man she married.

[J-dawg]

Of all the elephants in the room when it comes to modern tech-enabled dating, this is possibly the biggest and ugliest.

The thought of ending up as one of those husbands genuinely makes my skin crawl. Imagine the woman you adore secretly resenting you for not measuring up to those alpha dudes she met on Tinder and dated for a few weeks at a time.

I sometimes wonder if we’ll see total change in relationship dynamics in my lifetime. Perhaps even a return to a “harem” system, where women decide that sharing a very high-value man is preferable to having a low-value one all to herself.

[Aunche]

I don't think this has anything to do with modern dating. Powerful men have had mistresses and before that they had concubines. Now that casual dating is socially acceptable, the tendency for high social class men sleeping with lower social class women is more visible, but it isn't necessarily more popular. The number of sexual partners millennials have is similar to that of Gen X and the Boomers.

Source: https://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-millenn...

[arandr0x]

There will always be women (and men) who want a single partner and don't really care about value or whatever it is you're on about.

It's just that, like me, by 25 they're married. If you're 35 these people are pretty much permanently unavailable to you unless you have very auspicious financial or cultural circumstances.

[thwy12321]

The weird thing is most people will call you a misogynist for bringing this up. I would argue that in most major US cities there is already a large "harem" dynamic. It's mostly invisible to the general population, but quite obvious if you're friends with men in the top 1 to 2% of dating potential.

[MRD85]

One of my friends at work is like this. He just keeps tripping over and finding women. He's been at work just this year and has been involved with nearly every available woman (and some that aren't), he plays football on the weekends and has the women involved in the club throwing themselves at him, etc. In any one week, he is courting literally 5-8 women despite the fact he does nothing to go out and meet them. It's like every woman in his social circles gravitates towards him. This year he's had 3 women break up with their boyfriends to chase him! It's crazy.

[J-dawg]

You’re right, and it’s happening throughout the western world. As someone who is definitely not in the top 2%, there are some difficult truths to confront.

It will be a strange time when & if it starts happening out in the open.

[0db532a0]

It already is:

https://www.instagram.com/danbilzerian/?hl=en.

[JimboOmega]

It is misogynist in its worldview; the woman's value is her attractiveness (which declines with age), and a man's attractiveness (which may be a function of money as well as just looks) is all she cares about.

Just because it is misogynist does not mean that women don't participate in it. But whenever you reduce human relationships to something "simple", you're likely doing something offensive.

[J-dawg]

Just because somebody finds something offensive doesn’t stop it being true.

[JimboOmega]

The implication that all people of a certain group behave and desire a certain thing is obviously false, especially when the group is as large as half the population.

Furthermore, even if it is true for a wide swath of the group, that does not mean it should not be criticized and torn apart for the assumptions that it rests on. A lot of people of both genders internalize negative messages about themselves and operate as though they are more fundamental truths.

Often, seeing them successfully challenged is what allows a person to grow and live a happier life.

The person in the original article believes, at least on some level, that her value as a person is tied to her attractiveness and thus her age. Clearly a lot of others in society believe that too. It's still harmful to her and often them as well and it is a misogynist belief. Simply because a lot of people believe it and operate on that assumption does not mean everyone does, and it does not mean that doing so is beneficial.

[J-dawg]

Your argument seems to be along the same lines as “my grandad smoked 2 packs a day and lived until he was 95”.

On average, smoking is harmful. On average, women’s perceived attractiveness is highly tied to their beauty and youthfulness.

It’s a shame if the woman in the article believes her value as a person is tied to her attractiveness and age. Given that “value as a person” is an entirely subjective concept, there’s no reason for this to be true.

However, her value in the “dating market place” is tied to her attractiveness and age. That’s a fact, it’s objectively measurable and it’s as cold and uncaring as natural selection. It certainly doesn’t care how offensive you find it.

[jf-]

I think you’re assuming tabula rasa here; that there is no innate human nature, that everything is socially constructed. If there is such a thing as an innate, biologically derived measure of attractiveness, then your point doesn’t really hold up. Unless we’re comfortable with saying biology is misogynistic. That would be an interesting one.

Frankly it would be great to have real, impartial numbers about all of this so we could actually reach some conclusions, but it’s so politicised that’s effectively impossible.

[thwy12321]

"It is misogynist in its worldview"

How can something that's an accurate description of reality be misogynist? Unless you are claiming what I said to be false.