[mindgam3]

Because I was able to cross check them with legal filings made during my parents’ divorce proceedings.

I have also obtained documentation of similar instances of abuse in previous generations on both sides of my family. So at some point the whole “your memories aren’t real” attack starts to fall apart and ultimately be revealed as more gaslighting.

I encourage you to use more caution the next time you question an abuse survivor.

[S-E-P]

That's a bit of a misstep my dude.

>I encourage you to use more caution the next time you question an abuse survivor.

Is not a great response, but I understand where you are coming from. That is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, and as long as you don't attribute malice to the writer, it should not illicit any negative response. A little context, I've dealt with abuse growing up (not from family, externally) and gas lighting, so I understand the response. But they weren't attacking you, just asking how you knew. I had to ask myself for years if what I remembered was actually real and I was able to confirm it. It's not an attack, it's an inquiry.

[mindgam3]

I appreciate the context. Didn’t realize we were already at “my dude” level, my good sir. Note that I was careful myself not to attribute malice to your question.

But I do stand by my original request to push you on your “trauma etiquette”, for my own sake and for all the other trauma survivors who are much less comfortable speaking about what happened. If you have experienced abuse and gaslighting then you must know that the typical response when speaking out is more gaslighting. For this reason, actual trauma survivors (as opposed to people playing victim) tend to be hyper vigilant. When speaking to a fellow trauma survivor, you must know that this is one of the issues that will come up, and if you are going to ask an innocent sounding question that could also be easily construed as skeptical as opposed to curious, it behooves you to add an extra word or two to make your intent clear. Literally a phrase like “not saying I don’t believe you, I’m genuinely curious” is enough to differentiate between a good faith question and more abuse.

[S-E-P]

Oh just for clarification, I didn't write the initial question. I just figured it wasn't malicious. :)

I understand what you're saying.. my policy has always been to respond (even to incendiary comments) as if they are genuinely curious or, anyone listening/reading would learn something new or give credence to my position.

If you can master that, you will almost never lose ground in an argument/discussion, and no one would take issue with you on the basis of a response. Not saying that your response was anything but reasonable, it just wasn't the most fortuitous for such an audience as this. Hopefully this is helpful to you or anyone reading.