[ThePadawan]

I've often tried to find better methods of communicating with people, but I'm still struggling with one major problem:

What do you do when someone literally does not react to anything you say in any way whatsoever? I could tell them "Yeah, X sounds like a great idea!" or "Please don't do that, I think X would be very harmful to the project", and their reaction would be the same "OK thanks, guess I'll go do X now".

Then if doing X results in failure and they learn nothing from the experience.

[hyperpape]

You have two choices, either of which may be right in the circumstance:

1. You can talk to them directly, and say "I feel like we're not on the same page when we talk about X,Y,Z [what can we do to come to an agreement]/[why do you keep doing that?]" (the bracketed parts depend on who has what authority).

2. You bring it up with your manager.

[BeetleB]

>I've often tried to find better methods of communicating with people, but I'm still struggling with one major problem:

It would help if you gave an idea on what you've tried.

As for your specific scenario, some points:

Don't have a telling posture. Even if you think it is a fact, present it with the posture of an opinion. "This is how I see it." Actively point out you may be wrong, and actively invite opposition "I'd like to hear other perspectives." You'll have to be sincere, because if people perceive you as the person who always wants others' opinions, but always dismisses them, people will very quickly stop offering them. I've seen this happen within a month of a new manager coming to our team.

Also, make sure you're asking open ended questions. Not questions that can be reasonably answered in a few words.

[trhaynes]

I wonder if there's a way to ask the right questions so they can come to the conclusion that X is a bad idea, on their own and before doing it. For example, asking about the merits of X, then acknowledging them and asking about possible downsides. If they don't mention the downside you had in mind, ask about other potential downsides. You'll also learn more about their decision-making process, how deeply they've thought through it, what weights they ascribe to the various pros/cons, etc.

Related to the concept of Strategic Questioning (https://www.context.org/iclib/ic40/peavey/)

[ThePadawan]

Is that really what is happening though?

They don't react to my statement at all - I don't think they disregard it, I think they don't listen to it in the first place.

[denimalpaca]

Ask someone to repeat back what you said so you know they actually understood what you were saying.

[hyperpape]

My opinion is that this will come across as domineering/micromanaging, even if you really do need to verify that someone understands things the same way you do.

There are ways to achieve the same effect without an equally bad appearance:

+ You can break the work into smaller chunks, to create more checkpoints

+ You can have a plan that is very specific about what is to be done that everyone agrees to in a written form (if you have a meeting, someone should take notes and have them circulated after the fact)

+ Most lightweight, you can not present the plan in one chunk, but talk it through, taking ample opportunity to reiterate and solicit agreement (if you do this right, the other person will repeat what you said, without you ever telling them to--everyone is happy)

[AchieveLife]

What you are describing is difficulty with 'facilitating a decision' aka selling. I had to find a mentor to effectively learn that ability.

I'm more than happy to refer you to him. Just pm me