[throwaway080383]

But having experienced direct help, what it actually means is someone talks over my head no matter how much I say I don't understand.

That sounds like a problem to me. I don't know your situation, but when this happens to me, I am blunt and assertive that I don't understand what they're saying, like "I did not follow any of what you just said. I have no idea what X and Y are, and my understanding of Z is... Is that correct?"

in the short term people may think less of you, but in the long-term you will actually learn this stuff assuming you have a helpful mentor. If the senior engineer's job is to break things down for junior folks, and you're not understanding their explanation, then they're not doing their job.

[AndyNemmity]

I'm fine with people thinking less of me, but the response is either they explain it in a way I don't understand, or they offer to give me an exact list of things to do (do it for me).

Neither of those deals with the fundamental issue.

I have 0 issue with being assertive. It's a lack of basic knowledge that can only be acquired by backtracking, and doing.

[AlexCoventry]

What's an example of something you've been having these problems with?